I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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