you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
