ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
