I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
