I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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