Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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