doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
