I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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