just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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