How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Still dying that you shit outside
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
