you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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