I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
