Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
