Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
