Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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