Whod you bang
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
