Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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