Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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