Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
