Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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