Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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