I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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