1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
