Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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