how can u be prego again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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