I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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