The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
