I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
