Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
