Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
