if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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