I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
