You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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