why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
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