Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
