Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
