So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
