why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
