My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
