I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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