I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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