One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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