I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
