ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
