I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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