Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
