So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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