I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
