He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
