the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
